Foundation #1 - Happenstance or Intellegent Design
This foundation module ask if the universe of matter is an arbitrary fluke or whether it is the…See More
The mixing of religious and non-religious beliefs in an individual.
I was a Rock, I was an Island... and it sucked. Bumped for Kernal
A daily thought piece from one of my dailys for recovery.
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Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.Proverbs 15:22
A friend recently said, "The day my mother told me to lie about
Dad's abusive behavior is the day I decided once and for all that no one
will ever take care of me but me."
Many of us made decisions like this early in life. For one reason or
another we reached the conclusion that it was not safe to need others. One
of the longest-lasting effects of abuse and neglect is this kind of ruthless
independence.
Unfortunately, because we may not have experienced appropriate care,
we have not learned how to do a good job of taking care of ourselves. We
are harsh with ourselves. And we have huge blind spots. We keep falling
into the same ruts and traps.
The toxic individualism that comes from abuse and neglect is an illusion.
We are needy. We need others to help us and support us. We cannot live whole,
healthy lives in isolation. We need other people. We need their counsel
and their honest feedback. Success is more likely when we work interdependently.
We need love and acceptance. We need listening ears. We need to be held
accountable. We need encouragement and support from other people. And others
need all these things from us as well.
It may seem like a risk to allow ourselves to need anything from anyone.
But it is a risk worth taking again and again and again. It is appropriate
to be cautious and wise about the risks we take in relationships. But risks
cannot be avoided. Mutual relationships of love and care are the basis for
all real joy in life. They are worth the struggle and hard work.
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What do you all think? Once again, we go back and forth over the "high ethereal" but that don't pay the rent. How do we better our lives in "real time"?
Between being in the military, and being an addict, I could tune out any sense of empathy at will. Unfortunately, if you do that too much, you can "break the switch" and you get stuck that way. (Its true Sid, lol) Recovery has meant trying to open that up again, and like coming out of a cave, the input is initially overwhelming. (Why are we never just whelmed?... I digress)
Tragedy often drives us into ourselves when we most often need help. Has that happened to you? If so, are you still there or have you come back to humanity?
Our stories of what works and what doesn't might help someone else in the same place. Throw it out there!
Jeff
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.Proverbs 15:22
A friend recently said, "The day my mother told me to lie about
Dad's abusive behavior is the day I decided once and for all that no one
will ever take care of me but me."
Many of us made decisions like this early in life. For one reason or
another we reached the conclusion that it was not safe to need others. One
of the longest-lasting effects of abuse and neglect is this kind of ruthless
independence.
Unfortunately, because we may not have experienced appropriate care,
we have not learned how to do a good job of taking care of ourselves. We
are harsh with ourselves. And we have huge blind spots. We keep falling
into the same ruts and traps.
The toxic individualism that comes from abuse and neglect is an illusion.
We are needy. We need others to help us and support us. We cannot live whole,
healthy lives in isolation. We need other people. We need their counsel
and their honest feedback. Success is more likely when we work interdependently.
We need love and acceptance. We need listening ears. We need to be held
accountable. We need encouragement and support from other people. And others
need all these things from us as well.
It may seem like a risk to allow ourselves to need anything from anyone.
But it is a risk worth taking again and again and again. It is appropriate
to be cautious and wise about the risks we take in relationships. But risks
cannot be avoided. Mutual relationships of love and care are the basis for
all real joy in life. They are worth the struggle and hard work.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you all think? Once again, we go back and forth over the "high ethereal" but that don't pay the rent. How do we better our lives in "real time"?
Between being in the military, and being an addict, I could tune out any sense of empathy at will. Unfortunately, if you do that too much, you can "break the switch" and you get stuck that way. (Its true Sid, lol) Recovery has meant trying to open that up again, and like coming out of a cave, the input is initially overwhelming. (Why are we never just whelmed?... I digress)
Tragedy often drives us into ourselves when we most often need help. Has that happened to you? If so, are you still there or have you come back to humanity?
Our stories of what works and what doesn't might help someone else in the same place. Throw it out there!
Jeff
Views: 0
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sidian M.S. Jones on -
Looks all pretty right on to me.
I wouldn't agree that relationships are the basis for all real joy though.
This idea of toxic individualism is quite astute I think. I can easily see this in my self. But of course whether or not this is a part of your character you wish to have and develop comes down to your personal Path.
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Permalink Reply by andrewjvb on -
"Tragedy often drives us into ourselves when we most often need help. Has that happened to you? If so, are you still there or have you come back to humanity?"
This has happened to me. My dad was an alcoholic and had anti-social personality disorder. What he put me through, living with him for 20 odd years, is way too much to delve into here. But let's just say I came into this world a happy little boy, but by the time I was 22 I didn't even know if I was a human being capable of loving or being loved. I couldn't trust anyone, from a cashier at a gas station to a waiter in a restaurant; they all loathed me.
I'm coming out all right, though, because there was a time when I couldn't have even shared this. As time goes on I'm learning more and more how to trust and have self-confidence. I've been through more than most people my age have, and I'm not exactly sure what the trick is or if there is a trick at all, since people's situations are so unique and varying. But I do know that perseverance, hope, and faith have been a huge help.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff H on -
My dad was an alcoholic son of an alcoholic son..... I've put together a kind of bio on Rock-umentary on my life on page here. Check it out if you like.
I had a 5th a day habit myself up to 5 years ago last November. That's why I made this discussion when I got the article. It resounded with me.
A fantastic book for Adult Children of Alcoholics is "Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome: A Step By Step Guide To Discovery And Recovery" by Wayne Kritsberg
I'm working through it myself, and have found it very useful.
Good stuff folks!
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Permalink Reply by Jeff H on
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My jest of the author's observation is metaphorical to "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, is there any sound." I think "all joy" is a little strong, but complete isolation makes people bonkers. Most of us are social creatures, and I think the most of our joys are enhanced by sharing them with our friends, lovers, and or children.
Some people are incapable of that. I was for quite a while. I played the part, but a pickled heart isn't very sensitive.
Jeff
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