"Infants laughing or crying is not becuase of memories of past lives."
The mixing of religious and non-religious beliefs in an individual.
Those who struggle with god
I love religious paths, I think they're awesome and fascinating and variously fulfilling. generally, I feel like they don't quite fit with my outlook on things, especially because I feel like I need freedom to believe and not believe at my whim and leisure.
The path that I've felt most personally inclined to is judaism. the depth and richness of the cultural traditions, the beauty of the liturgy, the freedom and trepidation with which jews approach the divine. But judaism is a faith that is really an adjunct of the jewish culture....one can convert to a religion, but not to a culture, since culture isn't just a matter of professing a viewpoint, it's a matter of shared background. No amount of study or work can change the matter of my goy upbringing.
I've said for years that I'd love to be a part of jewish culture, but even if I found myself accepted into a community of jews, I couldn't ever look at myself in the mirror and see myself as someone who belonged.
I went to shabbat last friday with a sweety, and it was like something had fallen into place, something that had been missing. A sense of quiet grace around me, just out of reach. I've been afraid of reaching for god in this way, because of my fear of self-rejection, afraid that my upbringing will be my destiny.
I prayed under my breath, God, save me from mirrors. Give me the bravery to grow into myself.
The path that I've felt most personally inclined to is judaism. the depth and richness of the cultural traditions, the beauty of the liturgy, the freedom and trepidation with which jews approach the divine. But judaism is a faith that is really an adjunct of the jewish culture....one can convert to a religion, but not to a culture, since culture isn't just a matter of professing a viewpoint, it's a matter of shared background. No amount of study or work can change the matter of my goy upbringing.
I've said for years that I'd love to be a part of jewish culture, but even if I found myself accepted into a community of jews, I couldn't ever look at myself in the mirror and see myself as someone who belonged.
I went to shabbat last friday with a sweety, and it was like something had fallen into place, something that had been missing. A sense of quiet grace around me, just out of reach. I've been afraid of reaching for god in this way, because of my fear of self-rejection, afraid that my upbringing will be my destiny.
I prayed under my breath, God, save me from mirrors. Give me the bravery to grow into myself.
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Comment by Darcy on June 3, 2009 at 5:45pm -
Beautifully written. I hope that "quiet grace" you spoke of becomes a more familiar experience as you follow-- whatever it is that you are called to follow, be it a religious path or a personal one.
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Comment by Jeff H on June 3, 2009 at 6:05pm -
I read several devotional daily to help keep my head on straight in the pressures of real life. This is one I opened today, shortly after reading your post...
************************************************************
"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24
We live somewhere between belief and unbelief. Our faith wavers. At times faith is strong and stable. At times it is weak, and shaken.
For many of us, our capacity for trust has been diminished by experiences with people who were not trustworthy. We have learned by painful experience that we will be disappointed if we trust. One of the most intense struggles in recovery is to rebuild our capacity for trust and hope. We want to believe, but we are afraid.
Some people believe that God will respond only to people who 'believe enough'. "If you have enough faith, God will hear you," they say. But Jesus said "All you need is faith the size of a mustard seed." The mustard is the smallest of seeds. God does not reject small, limited faith. God will not ignore even the desire to believe. God will not dismiss a willingness to learn to trust. Mountains have been moved by less. God accepts our limited faith.
God does not ask us to wait until we are certain and strong in faith. God accepts us as we are, even with our limited faith.
Lord, you see my struggle to believe,
to trust,
and to hope.
You know my fears,
my hesitations,
my questions.
Help me to accept the limits of my faith.
Help me to bring my limited faith to you.
Amen.
Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan
www.nacronline.com
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